Day 3...sounds just like the second day but with different words

Today was a great day, feel like I'm getting some clarity. Got out of the office for the day to go and fix/rewire the security cameras in our Manhattan showroom with my co-worker William. I like learning new shit. Ate lunch with him at Dallas BBQ on 8th Ave. (no, I didn't get the ribs and yes, I ate some bread) and easily refused their GIANORMOUS GOBLET of blue pina colada that was the drink of the day and, according to our lovely server, came with both a blue plastic lei and a lollypop. Apparently the people who order alcoholic beverages regularly at Dallas BBQ are GIANORMOUS five year olds who require their drinks come in nauseatingly unnatural colors and with free toys and candy. Yeesh.

That place pretty much sucks. Well, everything meatless anyway: greasy, over/undercooked, bland. Ranch dressing is not a substitute for proper seasoning. Sorry.

You city-slickers want better BBQ, I can recommend you a handful of other places I bet are far superior, and although I've eaten at none of them, I've had enough experience with BBQ in my life to know what's good just by being there. You want BBQ? Go to the annual Big Apple BBQ in Manhattan this June 13-14th. Or visit Hill Country on 26th street where there are plenty of veggie friendly, lip smackin' side dishes and margaritas that will lay you out quicker than you can whistle Dixie.

OR, you could go to a BBQ joint owned by brainless assholes who couldn't manage a restaurant to save their lives...called the Hog Pit. Let me give you some hilarious back story here...

Once upon a time, when my co-workers and I still were based out of our office in the flower district in Manhattan (28th street), we would occasionally take advantage of the fantastic raw bar/happy hour at a restaurant on 26th street called Black Pearl. (It happens to be right across the street from Hill Country.) The oysters and clams were always fresh tasting, were only $1 each, and the drinks were always stiff and cheap. Funny thing was, I hardly ever saw anybody eating there, and had never bothered to look at their menu to see why.

Then one day, Spring called me up to tell me that she'd just seen the Black Pearl on our favorite TV show Kitchen Nightmares, but not to worry, it wasn't infested with cockroaches, just owned and managed by a bunch of inflated-ego, short-sighted morons who spent more time fighting with each other than figuring out how to run a successful business. (You can watch the whole episode at the link above, although it's split into five sections. I've given you the first, which is probably all you need to see to get my point.) The funny part was that we had noticed something different about the place the last time we were there, before the show aired but post-taping, although we couldn't quite put our fingers on what it was, other than a couple foam lobster claws on the wall and some galvanized buckets as lampshades.

Funniest part of this story is that on one of our last Fridays at work in Manhattan (before operations were relocated to our new factory in Bushwick, Brooklyn) we rallied the troops fora farewell Black Pearl happy hour and what had the place turned into since last we'd gone? A BBQ RESTAURANT. RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET from Hill Country, one of the best places of said food genre in the city. I'd like to reiterate myself: inflated-ego, short-sighted morons. The whole lot of ye!


That's one hell of a sad looking brisket dish there, if you ask me.
Fast forward to just now, when I was trying to make sure the Hog Pit was in fact the establishment formerly known as the Black Pearl, and stumbled across the Black Pearl's shining gem of a website. WOW. Just....wow. And they didn't even have the professional decency to disable that site. To me, you want an easy marker for douchebaggery? A giant waving red flag that says you are an incompetent, immature business owner? Well there you have it. Neatly folded, right on top of your culinary casket.

The real reason I even started this blog tonight was to share this hilarious food-centric website my friend Tim sent me called "The Gallery of Regrettable Food". It's a horrifying time machine ride back to the dawn of industrial food manufacturing, when salads were suspended in clear jello, everything was covered in mayonnaise and people ate stuff that looked like this:


Loafed and loaded.
I can't get enough of looking at all the scans of old cookbooks. Why don't more period movies incorporate the horribly off-putting cuisine of the corresponding decade? I'm pretty sure I've seen a lot of 1950's era movies where the food looked a little too delicious and modern. I'm just sayin'.


Aaagh! What is that?? Horrible space food?

Also, here's a song. It's good. It relates to this post. Figure out how and you'll win...a pat on the back.