Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A Rambling Letter to My Friend Ravi, re Kombucha

My buddy Ravi asked me about my Kombucha growing practices and what all this fuss was about this thing my friends call the "Urine babby" (babby is net-speak slang for "baby") aka "Fermenting maxi pad hair tea". Clearly, the shit is so gross looking that nobody wants anything to do with it (except Dan MacAdam, who admitted to getting into kombucha after reading some of my ranting posts about it on our favorite website, gigposters.com).


I think it looks perfectly delicious

So here is my long-winded, conspiracy-fueled, stream of consiousness rant about why I like Kombucha, and also, essentially all of my feelings about nutrition in general. Enjoy.
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Hi Ravi,

I look at Kombucha as kinda like Penicillin, sourdough bread, yogurt and wine/beer/kimchi all rolled into one. All of those things are revered for their healthful properties specifically arising from the fermented, moldy, bacterial, ALIVE nature of their being. Penicillin is (duh) derivative of specific molds, traditional sourdough bread is made from wild yeast that is collected naturally from the air in the environment surrounding the bakery, wine/beer...well you know how that's made, and yogurt and kimchi are both made from taking foods and letting them rot or mixing them with vinegar.

Are you bored yet?? Confused? Just wait...

Some people believe that all these things are good for you because this is what people ate thousands of years ago before the advent of processed foods, refridgeration and modern medicine and is therefore what our bodies really need to function properly. I believe that eating things that are closest to their natural form that are created by natural processes (like the bread from wild yeast thing) are inherently easier to digest and more nutritious. Of course, the FDA will never approve any of these statements because they are making so much money from the food manufacturing lobbyists that they will never say "Lucky Charms are not good for you", when obviously they are not.

I also believe that when you eat a lot of processed foods (basically anything that you don't make from scratch at home) your body stops being able to regulate itself naturally and create the proper numbers of antibodies, naturally occurring bacteria, enzymes and amino acids which are integral to the smooth functioning of the body's systems. This is why processed foods are so often fortified with vitamins (which means they had to have the nutrients put back into the food artificially). These foods are also filled with all kinds of chemicals, hormones and preservatives (so they can sit on a shelf, travel from the factory and sit on the shelf some more..ew) which I believe ends up destroying those same bacteria, enzymes, etc. I mentioned before.

But that's great for the food manufacturers, because they can just then sell you things like Activia, which is a product they make that claims to "fix" the digestive problems you have that were originally created by eating their other shitty processed foods in the first place.

Kombucha is just another one of these things that is somewhere between beer and sourdough bread (IMO). The process of the fermentation where the bacteria eat the sugar you feed them naturally creates a host of these enzymes, bacteria and amino acids you need in your body; they are all byproducts of the kombucha colony processing the sugars.

You can find a few articles contradicting some of what I say (or at least parts of the articles do) and telling you that processed foods are fine or Kombucha suspect, but I believe in my heart of hearts that this country is full of misinformed, overweight, unhealthy people because there are a bunch of assholes controlling our food supply who want to make as much profit as they can with as little nutrition involved. They have completely brainwashed us into craving foods that are wholly unhealthy and convinced us with their bullshit FDA "reports" that these foods aren't as unhealthy as we think they are.

What it comes down to is that you are what you eat, and you are what you EAT eats, so if you're pumping yourself full of filler, chemicals and antibiotics, you will end up filler, chemicals and antibiotics. I believe that decades of improper nutrition have changed the human form, created an internal evolution (for the worse), hence why so many kids are born today with all kinds of weird disorders (autism, diabetes, etc.).

I know this sounds like crazy conspiracy theory regarding "the man" but I really believe it's true. We question our government on why they go to war and how they spend our tax dollars but never, ever give the people that supply our FOOD the same kind of scrutiny. We judge our neighbors and our friends and total strangers more harshly then we do what we put in our mouths.

Yeah...so....urine babbys are the future or something. Sorry this was sooo long. It's complicated. God I hope you don't think I'm nutso.

xo
kate